Sakit Penghapus Dosa

yesterday draft:

As i am writing, i am overwhelmed with the desire to throw up all of the content of my saba meal i took for lunch which will be a major waste as it is sponsored by dear friend. 

Assalamualaikum, 

I am a endometriosis hyperplasia patient. Been diagnosed for almost 2 years now. Still learning about the disease and coping the changes. Basically in a non technical way of explaining, my period should be produce every month yet it didn't came out and stay inside. On severe cases it can lead to cervical cancer yet alhamdulillah i am not there yet. 

Unfortunately, the treatment requires me to take hormone pills and which means i couldn't conceive anytime soon. But the worst part is the after effect. Blotted gassed and mood switches as often as the time flies. Sometimes to the edge of depression. Yet, i try my best to just go day by day surviving on my own and living my life as normal as possible.

But sometimes i am just too tired to fight this alone, too scared yet i couldn't say any of it anymore as my time for melting down is not valid anymore. Ok that is entirely different thing but i'm just saying i am on my own

Surah Al-Kawthar

surah melawan sedih....i dont want to be sad anymore.

Romie the Cat

Romie. baliklah...mommy risau. you support to be my rock. i need you right now more that ever. why do you have to go. i'm sorry for saying that i will let you go. i didnt meant it. i need you romie. balik lah please....

Segalanya

segala apa yang telah ku berikan masih lagi tak memadai. hampir ku tersungkur menuntut janji dari mu....

kind of like this song lately. i believe i can never be truly happy. my breath became short and shallow. my eyes blurry and my mind blank. been hours seen i stopped my final tears. try to force some but it just wont came out anymore. it just stop. my heart cold and still. suddenly my world black out and i slump near the washing machine. numbness. then the emotion came rushing. i couldnt  seem to able to process and catch up with it. the emotion rush on me and leave me breathless. trying to suck in some air into my lung but it just to difficult.

salahkah diriku mengemis cinta dr mu. apakah ku tak punya harga.

Malam yang Sunyi Sepi tanpa Dirimu

hi people,

siang tadi entah aku makan banyak sgt ajinamoto kot cm lalok giler. lepas balik lunch and solat zuhur aku terus kiok dr kul 3.30 sampai 5 dohhh~!!! lama gile….pastu bangun solat (port dlm surau ok) bantai minum caramel machiato yg aku beli dr startbuck td….alahai wat a combo so i guess tonight harap2 aku mampu berilham berkarya utk meluahkan memuntahkan isi daging tulang kekretipan aku malam ni yer. fuh ayat~!

ok sorry i took like 20 min utk mandi and bwk makanan naik atas…sbb malam ni nak buat picnic. aku mmg bgtaw hubbby bunny nak kemas store tp cm nak mengelat malam ni hahaha…tak salah mengelat kan kan kan….sbb nobody business…kikiki sabar aja la! procrastination at its best~!

so menu malam ni bertemankan candle ikea and berjendelakan kain batik: satu apple, dua bun potato, koko krunch wt fresh milk and last my kopi muo…..alhamdulillah kunyah pelan pelan 44x kalau ikut sunnah. aku sbenarnya malas nak pk nak makan apa..selera sorang2 pun takde….so inilah hasilnya…
lupa nak bgtaw dessert aku, jauh import ni…meiji chocolate from japan okey hokeyyy ko ado?

on a serious note, i heard of a very devastating news that my dear friend is going to undergo an operation next week. wish her the world and hope the operation is a success. at my age, i think we hv come to the level where our health and aging process is catching up with us sooner than we thought. it is giving me goosebumps since i myself had an operation to remove a non cancerous fibroid from inside my womb. not many people know this as it interupt wt me having babies of my own yet i am still positive. i believe Allah swt have install me wt great things to come. i am blessed enough to be able to wake up everyday and just live. syukur alhamdulillah….

so this weekend planning on making a surprised meet up wt her and some of our mutual friends. hope able to cheer her up alittle even though not as much. Ya Allah, give her strength, give her calmness and give her recovery and safe….aminnn ya rabbal alaminnn

so here i end my tonight post. will see if we need one more tonight. who knows….eheheheheh cakkk~!!!


lia

BORED SEMESTER BREAK

salam

hari ni seminggu budak aku cuti. as a lecturer you should still come to work and stayed until evenings. aku selalu bosan sbb mood nak buat kerja cm takde lg. sbb seminggu tu cuti lama. harini lak tu nabira my coll dh kena pergi ke melaka for invitation on mock interview for mrsm TGB. hebat semua org melaka. jauh2 import player ehhh bukan player tp interviewer utk mock interview depa. aku ni tiba2 rasa nak taip laju2 like i used to do before and my skills had rusted over the years.

cait~! aku dulu rajin kot main YM main MRIC mmg kena taip laju2 la mampuih kalau taip satu2 geng semua cabut lari. hahahaha aku dpt bayangkan dlm kepala ustaz kat sebelah aku ni mesti pikior apsal la lia ni taip laju2 nak marah kat sapa lah tu. aku taip master thesis pun tak laju cm ko taip. like a bullet train hahahahaha sabaq norrrrr.... and the best thing is the only reader for my blog is my own husband hahaha...show out to my dear darling muhamad~!!!!!

ok ok berbalik kepada cerita asal...eh spotify playlist ni keluar lagu lama vince 'mengapa harus cinta'
lama giler aku tak dgr lagu tu. dulu siap jadi ringtone. what is my now ringtone? i think it was the ost suacide squad. tp kena start tukar sbb aku selalu melompat dgr ringtone. lawak tak kalau diri sendiri terkezut dengor ringtone that i personally bought myself.

anyway, skang tgh nak pk apa nak buat. first in my head nak melukis. sempena blom habis lg october ink. tp malas sbb blom ada sumber inspirasi. so next i plan on reading my book that i bought last 2 week. masa tu g teman nabila putra sepupu aku nak beli pensil kat popular then i came across a very unique book name memories by the author lang leav. i came across the book by accident yet i was captivated by the content. as most of you might not know. i am a major sucker for poems. i wrote my first poem when i was just 9. nak kata aku jiwa romantiko hahaha buleh la sensitive...kekadang terlebih sensetap....tanya je la laki aku yg penyabar tu...huhuhu

ok so up until not i just cant find any solution to my boredom so i end up typing as fast as i can on this keyboard to post it in my blog. so oklah.....


what next?? tgh cari ebook lang leav heheheheh pirate sgt mak nyahhhh ok babai jap nnti bebila sambung~!

lia

Long Vacation

Public Holiday wt Noone~!

today is the second day to long weekend of Malaysia day. i havent been using this desktop at my home for a while and i just woke up from a beautiful evening nap so sudden feeling like nak mengarang 1000 patah perkataan. hahahaha.... suami ku mmg stress kalau bini dia banyak ckp. non stop tp sbenarnya aku suka dgr dia menceceh sbb i was like a music to my ears. btw, yes! he is not at home. my partner in crime will be back this monday so rasa cm nak nyanyi 'menghitung hari' je by kris dayanti. tak sabar~!

so since yesterday i have been sprawling my stomach on the bed and just watch alot of movies marathon. it was so good sbb i had finished submitting my marks and works early so i basically had done all work. thats the beauty part of this holiday tp TAPIIIIIII duit tadak. hahaha sbb dh dekat hujung bulan with so many holiday this month so banyak duit keluar dr masuk. stress gua~! lagi beberapa hari je lagi. bersabar la adik hahaha....

rasanya dh dekat 20 hari aku tak jumpa cinta hatiku....we talk all the time on the phone. alhamdulillah still going strong. doaku pada mu sayang tak pernah henti. pulang lah...tp the sweetenest berjauhan ni bila jumpa dia rasa getar dlm hati tu kuat.. cm bercinta la...tp kalau jumpa tu siap la aku gomol dia dulu kikiki

signing out jap