Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Sakit Penghapus Dosa

yesterday draft:

As i am writing, i am overwhelmed with the desire to throw up all of the content of my saba meal i took for lunch which will be a major waste as it is sponsored by dear friend. 

Assalamualaikum, 

I am a endometriosis hyperplasia patient. Been diagnosed for almost 2 years now. Still learning about the disease and coping the changes. Basically in a non technical way of explaining, my period should be produce every month yet it didn't came out and stay inside. On severe cases it can lead to cervical cancer yet alhamdulillah i am not there yet. 

Unfortunately, the treatment requires me to take hormone pills and which means i couldn't conceive anytime soon. But the worst part is the after effect. Blotted gassed and mood switches as often as the time flies. Sometimes to the edge of depression. Yet, i try my best to just go day by day surviving on my own and living my life as normal as possible.


But sometimes i am just too tired to fight this alone, too scared yet i couldn't say any of it anymore as my time for melting down is not valid anymore. Ok that is entirely different thing but i'm just saying i am on my own

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Surah Al-Kawthar

surah melawan sedih....i dont want to be sad anymore.

Romie the Cat

Romie. baliklah...mommy risau. you support to be my rock. i need you right now more that ever. why do you have to go. i'm sorry for saying that i will let you go. i didnt meant it. i need you romie. balik lah please....

Segalanya

segala apa yang telah ku berikan masih lagi tak memadai. hampir ku tersungkur menuntut janji dari mu....

kind of like this song lately. i believe i can never be truly happy. my breath became short and shallow. my eyes blurry and my mind blank. been hours seen i stopped my final tears. try to force some but it just wont came out anymore. it just stop. my heart cold and still. suddenly my world black out and i slump near the washing machine. numbness. then the emotion came rushing. i couldnt  seem to able to process and catch up with it. the emotion rush on me and leave me breathless. trying to suck in some air into my lung but it just to difficult.

salahkah diriku mengemis cinta dr mu. apakah ku tak punya harga.